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Don't give up, even when you're scared.
Content Warning: This piece discusses Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss so take care of yourself. If you are not in a place to read this, please skip it & I’ll see you next week.
My life lately has been filled with small reminders of the miscarriage I suffered six years ago.
This week, Matt D’Avella posted a truly heartbreaking but beautiful YouTube video sharing the news that they had lost their baby and were far enough along in the pregnancy to know the child’s sex. They decided to name her Daisy and write letters to her before cremation.
Last week, a friend of mine lost her dog. When I told my daughter, she cried for half an hour and asked so many questions about death. How did my favorite dog, Jade, die? Why would someone decide to put a dog “down” & what did that even mean? What were the names of the twins I lost? Were we sad after it happened?
Last week I finished the book, “Notes to Self” by Irish author Emilie Pine. Her essay, “From the Baby Years” discusses her struggle to conceive and the miscarriage she suffered. After feeling the immense sadness finding out the news, she writes, “And, besides, since no one else has ever talked about, or even mentioned, their miscarriage to me, I believe I should be mute too,” (51).
& literally, as I was about to publish this week’s newsletter, I read this substack from Jessica Valenti on RFK Jr. revealing Trump’s plan for abortion laws.
Valenti’s writes:
Another key moment today came when Sen. Catherine Cortez Masto questioned Kennedy about the Emergency Medical Treatment and Labor Act (EMTALA) and abortion care in hospital emergency rooms. First, the Democratic senator asked Kennedy if he agreed that EMTALA requires emergency rooms to treat a woman having a heart attack. Kennedy answered yes, without hesitation. Then she asked this:
“Now a pregnant woman with life threatening bleeding from an incomplete miscarriage goes to the ER, and her doctor also determines that she needs an emergency abortion, but she's in a state where abortion is banned. You would agree also as an attorney that federal law protects her right to that emergency care, correct?”
Kennedy’s answer? “I don't know. I, I mean, the answer to that is I don't know.”
You can watch that video here.
When I had my miscarriage, I only knew two people who had also had one and these were people who only opened up to me once I shared what had happened. When I had a friend ask, “Will you need a D&C?” after I shared the news that I had I lost my babies, I didn’t even know what that was because nobody talked about miscarriage or pregnancy loss. And it ended up being an emergency D&C that saved my life — the emergency “abortion” that Kennedy states he’s not sure if women should be able to get.
I want to note that I really wanted that pregnancy. My miscarriage and emergency D&C were not only traumatic, but incredibly hearbreaking. When I read about women all over the United States dying because they couldn’t get the care they needed in time, it brings back all the trauma from that moment in time. It reminds me that that could have been me.
I bring up this difficult topic to remind you that sharing your own stories is more important than ever, especially in this political climate.
When I attended NCTE last year, a quote from Rudine Sims Bishop was mentioned quite often.
"Books are sometimes windows, offering views of worlds that may be real or imagined, familiar or strange. These windows are also sliding glass doors, and readers have only to walk through in imagination to become part of whatever world has been created or recreated by the author. When lighting conditions are just right, however, a window can also be a mirror. Literature transforms human experience and reflects it back to us, and in that reflection we can see our own lives and experiences as part of a larger human experience. Reading, then, becomes a means of self-affirmation, and readers often seek their mirrors in books.”
When we read stories that are familiar to our own, we are affirmed in our experience. We can feel, even for just a moment, that we are not alone. As an educator, it was yet another reminder that all the work I had done to fill my classroom library with diverse books was worth it.
This also makes me think of the quote from Matilda by Roald Dahl:
“…Matilda’s strong young mind continued to grow, nurtured by the voices of all those authors who had sent their books out into the world like ships on the sea. These books gave Matilda a hopeful and comforting message: You are not alone.”
Even though I’ve read this quote a million times, it still brings tears to my eyes, especially after this week. When I look at my own bookshelves at home filled with queer authors, authors who have had miscarriages and c-sections, authors who have felt the same loneliness and despair as me, I know I am not alone in this world.
How many of us have read the right book at the right time and had an author tell us exactly what we needed to hear? When I was at one of my lowest points in life, I read the book, The Midnight Library by Matt Haig and realized there was more to my life than just that moment and that I needed to keep going. When I was filled with grief over loss, I read TJ Klune’s, Under the Whispering Door and remembered that it’s a beautiful thing to feel grief.
I urge you to keep telling your stories and to keep enjoying and appreciating others, especially those that push against the narratives we’re being bombarded with. Read work that makes you think, that helps you better understand topics. Read work that makes you feel, makes you imagine, gives you hope.
It’s out there. You just have to take the time & give it your attention.
After growing up with Facebook and Instagram, I’m *finally* getting off for good. I’ve been so unimpressed with what Meta has done to our world and sick of the amount of ads I’ve had to sift through just to see what my friends are doing. You can follow me over on BlueSky : @summercwrites.bsky.social
I hope to see you there!
So Many Opportunities to Write, Perform, & Learn with Me!
It was so lovely to spend time with author Brendan Jones for the 49 Writers Winter Words. While I do have a picture from that event, enjoy this one from the Sitka Fine Arts Camp instead! Getting to participate in Jones’ Slam Poetry class literally changed my life for the better.
It’s not too late to sign up! Get your ticket here: sahchristiansen.com
Peace & Light,
